May 15, 2012 My final blog post.

      In all honesty, I took this class as a way to keep my GPA up and become valedictorian. A lot of good that did me. To be even more honest, I feel like I chose a very terrible topic to continue with. I didn't realize what this class was when I first joined. I thought it would be a good way for me to grow with my UIL and finally make it to state like I wanted to all my high school years. I had trouble even taking it seriously. You freaking had to yell at me in order for me to just work on my project and not on other homework. At the end of this year, however, I feel like I ended up failing myself. Sure, I did make it to state overall at the very end, and I'm glad that that happened, but where did it lead me? I didn't even make it to state in the subject that I want to major in. I made it in Computer Science. Don't get me wrong, I loved working with Mr. Fleming. He is a very good teacher. I also get that knowing computer science can be useful, but in truth, I feel like there's a very low chance that I will use it in the future. This depresses me. In fact, this whole year has depressed me. I lost valedictorian (which I deserved), I didn't go far in tennis, and I made it to state in the one area that I will not pursue. I wish I had chosen a project that had to do with medicine. I wish I did something with meaning to me. I mean UIL did have a lot of meaning to me, but I wish I could look back at my project and be truly grateful to what I did in this class. I wish I did something with science fair, without the competition. I wish I was that motivated in doing something. I wouldn't even care about joining the competition. I sat here with the intention of making people around me proud that I never really pursued what I want to be, and that is my ultimate goal of becoming a doctor. If I could re choose  to do a project this year, I would have chosen just to figure out anything about medicine and study until I understood. I would have explored and tried my best to dig with the best of my ability to find something that would bring meaning to my life. I would have found something to fall in love with...but I made my decision. I chose to be the idiot senior and waste my time. This depresses me the most.
     To summarize my 4 years in high school, I wanted to make a mark. I wanted to be remembered in this school. I felt the longing to leave a legacy so much that I lost purpose in what I wanted to do. I wanted to impress you, Mrs. Tochterman. I wanted to impress Mr. Viray and Mr. Fleming. I wanted to fulfill everyone else's needs. I wanted to make my parents proud, and overall, I failed at it all. I honestly do not care about pity talks to me or anything like that. Anyone who reads this and tries to talk to me about how what I did this year wasn't a failing, thank you, but your words are in vain. I know you are just trying to be kind to me, but if you do this, you do not understand me at all. I could have worked harder. I know that I said that I was always busy, and I really was stressed, but I could have worked harder. I understand that now. I could have pushed myself more. I know that you saw that, Mrs. Tochterman. I know that you saw that I could have reached higher. I could have done something great. I never reached my potential. I never really showed my true promise. I sometimes feel that I even overestimate myself. Maybe I do not have that hardcore promise that my brother had. Maybe I am just regular. I feel like the understanding that I am just a regular person might make me realize that I do need to push through in order to move passed it, to become extraordinary.
     At the end of the day, Keely can have valedictorian. She can gloat and be happy at her accomplishments. She achieved this year. She proved her worth. She became extraordinary. All I can do is cry over spilled milk, or I can work. I can work towards becoming extraordinary. I can study for my MCAT, spend hours studying to have a 4.0 GPA, work hard to make sure that I am not distracted (this is probably be the hardest thing to accomplish), and hopefully through it all, become extraordinary. My goal now, and I will have to study my freaking ass off to do this, is to be accepted to Johns Hopkins Medical School, or any of the other top 10 medical schools in the country. This will be the true test on whether or not I can go beyond average. This class and FPS have both made me realize this. I thank you for the past 3 years Mrs. Tochterman. I now know I am just a regular person, and with this knowledge, I will do my best to become extraordinary.

Wednesday May 09 Almost the end..

It's crazy to think that the year is almost over....I've been working on this project with the hopes of making it to state, and I have made it in Computer Science. I even made it as an individual, surprising everyone by beating Andy and Joe at the very end. I find it crazy how much things have changed due to this. I have never made it to state in all four years, and I was very nervous about not having anything like this leaving high school, but now, I can honestly leave saying that I made it to state in UIL Academics, and that's a good feeling. Now I'm getting ready for state, and I'm ready to kick butt.

I've been watching videos over the different parts of Computer Science that I didn't understand. I now understand sorts, which took me about 3 years to get....things are just making more sense now, and I'm very glad. I actually am feeling more confident about going to state and possibly even getting a medal. I want to try my best to do well at state, so I'm going to do whatever I can to get that medal.

Thursday May 3, 2012

I have been working pretty hard on Computer Science this past week. Everyday I go for GTIS, Computer Science Independent Study, and most nights 2 hours after school. Psycho...

I have been working on Regional Reviews lately. I know that I'm going to state, but I need to bulk up on the basics so I don't miss stupid questions on the test. I have been working hard on pretty much everything. Slowly learning trees, slowly learning sets and maps, slowly getting split down. It is all coming together. I actually have things down a lot better than I thought I did. I'm really excited for this, but I have to work harder. Everyone is working just as hard as I am, need to remember that. Jeez, stressful, but it's a good kind of stress.

Wednesday April 25,2012

I made it to state! I was so surprised by what happened when Mr. Fleming told me that I had made state as an individual that I actually collapsed. It was amazing! Sadly, I didn't make it in Science though. Here's how it all went down.

Science: Well I guess I'm done with science with Mr. Viray this year. He was definitely one of my best science teachers going through high school, and I'm definitely going to miss him a lot. At Regionals, I made a 94. I was actually 2 questions away from advancing as the top biology contender, and I was 3 questions away from advancing as the top chemistry contender. I was definitely sad, but I definitely had fun and I learned a lot in my journey.

Computer Science: I still can't believe I actually made it! I got 2nd place as an individual. Sadly, no one else on my team made in the top 3, so it was time to bust it out on programming. Joe, Andy, and I had probably one of the biggest battles of our lives against Kennedale that day. Both of us ended up answering only 3 problems, which meant that Kennedale advanced over us because they were 40 points ahead of us. We had actually turned in a problem in the last 90 seconds of competition, but we got it back wrong. Afterwards, Mr. Fleming said that the judge's answer sheet was wrong on the problem that we turned in, and we still had a chance of making it if we were perfect with the code. We missed it by one line. It was sad seeing my team not advance with me. I actually cried a little, but it was definitely an experience that I will remember for quite a while.

Tuesday April 17, 2012 REGIONALS WEEK

Well it's Regionals week. This makes me pretty nervous because I haven't made it passed this point. I'm going to have to work as hard as I can if I want to make it.

Science: Science makes me nervous...my scores haven't been state level, and I feel that I don't know enough physics to be ready for what's to come. Makes me really really really nervous.

Computer Science: I AM SO PUMPED!!! We did the District 1 Programming Packet yesterday. I was actually too sick to do programming during actual district, and I ended up not competing. Our team ended up doing 3 programs without me, and if we would have done 5, we would have been 1st place in the region. Well Andy, Joe, and I did the packet that the 1st place team did yesterday, and we answered 5. We made 2 mistakes, so we tied Kennedale, but with Jay making a higher score than their 4th person, we actually are technically considered in 1st place. That is also with Joe, and Jay usually does competition with us. I am SUPER pumped for Regional Computer Science. We have so much potential. Hopefully we'll all make it this year.

Thursday April 12, 2012

I need to let go. All this doubt, all this worry, it's only hurting me. The moment when I realize the fact that I have done all I can do is the moment when I will realize that I can do it all. Sigh, what a very odd concept.

Science: Didn't do too hot on the last Regional test I took, but I guess I'll just have to let go and move on from there. I need to pick up that Beyond Einstein book and read it well. I'm going to do this.

Computer Science: I found out that if I was there during competition, we probably would be 1st in the region. I like that thought, makes me happy. We have a good shot to make it, so let's make it! haha

Wednesday April 4, 2012

I hate being sick. It sucks. Makes everything suck. Don't enjoy it one bit. I think it was caused by stress, or food, or both, I don't know, but I don't like it. Well, I guess it's time to get to work then. District was Monday, and that went pretty well.

Science: I got 2nd place. I tied for 1st, but percent accuracy, I got 2nd. It was close, but my score won't do at region. I need to start busting my butt even more if I want state in Science, but Mr. Viray believes in me and I can't let him down.

Computer Science: I got 3rd, I could have done better, but stomach pains and stress don't work well while taking a test...Our entire team is going, so that's good. I think as a team we need to focus on programming, and as an individual I need to expand my knowledge base by trying to take as many tests as possible before region. I honestly think all of us have an amazing shot of making it this year. Let's go!

I think making it to Region in both of my events is a pretty good feat, and I've been working hard and getting work done in both Science and Computer Science. I'm not fully done with my growth or anything, and 2nd or 3rd place isn't something I should be completely ecstatic about. I'd probably give myself a 97 or 98. I definitely hope that my actual grade will be higher or around that. I'm going to work my butt off for these next 2 weeks, and hopefully I won't give myself an ulcer through the process! lol