May 15, 2012 My final blog post.

      In all honesty, I took this class as a way to keep my GPA up and become valedictorian. A lot of good that did me. To be even more honest, I feel like I chose a very terrible topic to continue with. I didn't realize what this class was when I first joined. I thought it would be a good way for me to grow with my UIL and finally make it to state like I wanted to all my high school years. I had trouble even taking it seriously. You freaking had to yell at me in order for me to just work on my project and not on other homework. At the end of this year, however, I feel like I ended up failing myself. Sure, I did make it to state overall at the very end, and I'm glad that that happened, but where did it lead me? I didn't even make it to state in the subject that I want to major in. I made it in Computer Science. Don't get me wrong, I loved working with Mr. Fleming. He is a very good teacher. I also get that knowing computer science can be useful, but in truth, I feel like there's a very low chance that I will use it in the future. This depresses me. In fact, this whole year has depressed me. I lost valedictorian (which I deserved), I didn't go far in tennis, and I made it to state in the one area that I will not pursue. I wish I had chosen a project that had to do with medicine. I wish I did something with meaning to me. I mean UIL did have a lot of meaning to me, but I wish I could look back at my project and be truly grateful to what I did in this class. I wish I did something with science fair, without the competition. I wish I was that motivated in doing something. I wouldn't even care about joining the competition. I sat here with the intention of making people around me proud that I never really pursued what I want to be, and that is my ultimate goal of becoming a doctor. If I could re choose  to do a project this year, I would have chosen just to figure out anything about medicine and study until I understood. I would have explored and tried my best to dig with the best of my ability to find something that would bring meaning to my life. I would have found something to fall in love with...but I made my decision. I chose to be the idiot senior and waste my time. This depresses me the most.
     To summarize my 4 years in high school, I wanted to make a mark. I wanted to be remembered in this school. I felt the longing to leave a legacy so much that I lost purpose in what I wanted to do. I wanted to impress you, Mrs. Tochterman. I wanted to impress Mr. Viray and Mr. Fleming. I wanted to fulfill everyone else's needs. I wanted to make my parents proud, and overall, I failed at it all. I honestly do not care about pity talks to me or anything like that. Anyone who reads this and tries to talk to me about how what I did this year wasn't a failing, thank you, but your words are in vain. I know you are just trying to be kind to me, but if you do this, you do not understand me at all. I could have worked harder. I know that I said that I was always busy, and I really was stressed, but I could have worked harder. I understand that now. I could have pushed myself more. I know that you saw that, Mrs. Tochterman. I know that you saw that I could have reached higher. I could have done something great. I never reached my potential. I never really showed my true promise. I sometimes feel that I even overestimate myself. Maybe I do not have that hardcore promise that my brother had. Maybe I am just regular. I feel like the understanding that I am just a regular person might make me realize that I do need to push through in order to move passed it, to become extraordinary.
     At the end of the day, Keely can have valedictorian. She can gloat and be happy at her accomplishments. She achieved this year. She proved her worth. She became extraordinary. All I can do is cry over spilled milk, or I can work. I can work towards becoming extraordinary. I can study for my MCAT, spend hours studying to have a 4.0 GPA, work hard to make sure that I am not distracted (this is probably be the hardest thing to accomplish), and hopefully through it all, become extraordinary. My goal now, and I will have to study my freaking ass off to do this, is to be accepted to Johns Hopkins Medical School, or any of the other top 10 medical schools in the country. This will be the true test on whether or not I can go beyond average. This class and FPS have both made me realize this. I thank you for the past 3 years Mrs. Tochterman. I now know I am just a regular person, and with this knowledge, I will do my best to become extraordinary.

Wednesday May 09 Almost the end..

It's crazy to think that the year is almost over....I've been working on this project with the hopes of making it to state, and I have made it in Computer Science. I even made it as an individual, surprising everyone by beating Andy and Joe at the very end. I find it crazy how much things have changed due to this. I have never made it to state in all four years, and I was very nervous about not having anything like this leaving high school, but now, I can honestly leave saying that I made it to state in UIL Academics, and that's a good feeling. Now I'm getting ready for state, and I'm ready to kick butt.

I've been watching videos over the different parts of Computer Science that I didn't understand. I now understand sorts, which took me about 3 years to get....things are just making more sense now, and I'm very glad. I actually am feeling more confident about going to state and possibly even getting a medal. I want to try my best to do well at state, so I'm going to do whatever I can to get that medal.

Thursday May 3, 2012

I have been working pretty hard on Computer Science this past week. Everyday I go for GTIS, Computer Science Independent Study, and most nights 2 hours after school. Psycho...

I have been working on Regional Reviews lately. I know that I'm going to state, but I need to bulk up on the basics so I don't miss stupid questions on the test. I have been working hard on pretty much everything. Slowly learning trees, slowly learning sets and maps, slowly getting split down. It is all coming together. I actually have things down a lot better than I thought I did. I'm really excited for this, but I have to work harder. Everyone is working just as hard as I am, need to remember that. Jeez, stressful, but it's a good kind of stress.